By: Brianne Edwards
โ. . . ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ฏ๐ฐ ๐ธ๐ข๐บ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐ง๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ค๐ณ๐ฐ๐ด๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐ฆ. ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ช๐ต ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ข๐ต๐ค๐ฉ ๐ช๐ต ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐บ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ณ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ด๐ฎ๐ช๐ค ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ [๐ช๐ฏ๐ท๐ช๐ด๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ] ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฎ๐บ ๐จ๐ข๐ป๐ฆ. ๐๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ป๐ฆ. ๐ ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐๐ฐ๐ฅ, ๐ธ๐ข๐ช๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ.โ (From โA Thousand Poundsโ)
Unanswered Prayers
In that moment, I was praying and pleading with everything I had. Iโd never uttered a prayer more important, more desperate, more urgent than what I was pleading for right then. By that point, I had already notified my husband and my work of the emergency with my baby. I know they were praying too. And yet, my prayer, by all outward appearances, went unanswered.
After the loss of my son, I continued to show up to church, sitting in the pew with tear-stained cheeks. But for years, I found myself writhing and angry every time I came across a verse like: โโโTruly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to youโ (John 16:23b, ESV) or โAgain I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heavenโ (Matthew 18:19, ESV).
For a long time, the only response I had for God when I heard things like that was an accusationโ๐ฟ๐พ๐ถ๐.
God raised Lazarus from the dead after four days in the tomb (John 11:1-44). If He wanted to, He could have restored life and breath to my boy that was dying as I prayed.
Changing My Perspective
It was a long road before I could see that God, indeed, answered the heart of my prayer as I pleaded with the heavens that my childโs life would not end. While Lazarus was raised from the dead, he didnโt go on living forever. He died again, leaving those who loved him to mourn once again. When Jesus raised Lazarus it was a temporary solution. It was miraculous, but temporary.
The thing thatโs hard to see when weโre grieving is that the miracles we long for are not the highest good. Rather, miracles are unusual signs that help us see Jesus is who He says He is, and that we can therefore trust what He teaches.
When I was wailing for God to prevent the death of my child, He didnโt answer the temporal longing of my heart, but He did answer the grander eternal longing.
Answers in Eternity
To restore breath and life to Lachlan as I prayed would have been a temporary solution. None of us escape meeting our mortality, and one way or another, Lachlanโs death would eventually be mourned by those who love him.
God didnโt take my baby from me. He didnโt turn his back on my prayer. Instead, He answered my prayer in a much bigger way than I was asking of Him in that moment. By the work of Jesus on the cross, He erased the eternal effect of death, He made our separation temporary, and He raised my little boy to an eternal life in Him.
I am still left to mourn for the time being, but God has heard my prayer and done what it takes to turn my mourning to joy for all of eternity (Jeremiah 31:13). If I can be patient and trust that He is still good, He will fulfill the promise He made and the deepest longing of my heart will be answered, and there will be no more tears, or mourning, or pain, or separation from the ones we love (Revelation 21:4).
Brianne is the author of โA Thousand Pounds: Finding the Strength to Live and Love Under the Weight of Unbearable Loss.โ She is also the founder of Lach's Legacy, a South Dakota Nonprofit aiming to provide comfort to grieving families and working in the fight against SIDS.
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