By: Courtney Mount
To the parent awake at 3 a.m.,
It is 3 a.m. and I am also wide awake.
Swirling thoughts and aching legs hinder rest.
Scripture lullabies begin to wash over me with melodies of “Peace Be Still” filling my soul.
Images of a brown rocking chair with my girl holding her little sweet-smelling monkey and time convening with the Lord will soon put my mind to ease.
Oh, how a sleepless night can be redeemed when we lay it at the feet of Jesus.
The Depth of This Loss
It has been many months since I spent a night in that brown rocking chair. A glimpse of that chair takes my thoughts straight to my girl and the many moments we spent there together. How I miss getting ready for bed each night by rocking her as she snuggles with her pink blankie and her little monkey. I wish for those late nights where sleep evaded us and the quiet gentle rock of the chair lulled her back to sleep. Oh, how I long for one more night with her in that rocking chair. The feelings and emotions of grief are so big they almost rip through my heart, and yet there are no adequate words to express the amount of pain I feel each day. I have no words to share the depth of this loss.
I greatly appreciated learning a few basic grief concepts after our little girl passed. One concept I recognize often is that any phrase that begins with “at least” or “yes, but” brings no comfort to a grieving parent’s heart. A second concept was understanding that there is no comparison about whose grief is greater, rather all grief is immeasurably hard. Loss hurts whether it is an anticipated loss or an unexpected shock. The pain may be different, but at the end of the day it is still pain and your pain is valid. Each person experiences grief differently and learning to acknowledge that grief is important.
To the parent awake at 3 a.m.
May the Lord use my words to be a balm to an aching heart. May He comfort the hurting and carry the weary. May He guide my steps, my thoughts, and my life. May He remind you that “... weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalms 30:5).
Courtney is a Christian wife and mama to 9 children. She walked her youngest, Millie, to heaven, and now has a passion for helping other grieving parents by sharing Millie’s story, which she reminds us is ultimately God’s story. Courtney is also the author of "Millie Finds Her Miracle" which can be purchased through her website.