Weekly Devotion: On This Bereaved Father’s Day

By: Nicole Miners

How do we persevere with hope when it feels like there is nothing left to move forward for?

In this week’s Bible reading plan, we had the opportunity to read Psalm 40, written by King David. You might recall that David was someone God gave the compliment of all compliments to- calling him  “a man after His own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14).  From humble beginnings shepherding His father’s sheep to rising in power and shepherding God’s people as Israel’s king, David did everything with a proclivity to proclaim God’s name. He lived from the identity of being God’s son. If you didn’t know the rest of his story, you might be tempted to believe this meant things went pretty well for David most of the time. You might be tempted to believe he didn’t have to wrestle through a lot of the why’s families like ours have had to. But the truth is David had to learn to persevere with hope all the same.

You might be wondering, how can I persevere with hope when my child has gone Home to Heaven and it feels like there’s nothing left to move forward for? 

Maybe you spent weeks, months, years even, setting your faith before you as you walked out your child’s complex medical journey.  Persevering with hope wasn’t always easy, but you whispered to yourself that all too familiar, contrite but true statement to get you through… “If you’re not dead, then God’s not done.” It kept you moving forward as it reminded you that there was more than the moment at hand. 

Now, your child may be Home in the Father’s arms and in your quietest moments you find yourself wondering…  “What would I even need to persevere with hope for, anymore? It’s over.” Maybe you’re spinning with the reality that you’re now a bereaved father, and you almost forgot you are also a son. God’s son.

In Psalm 40, David begins his song with a personal testimony. Verses 1-4 read, 

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!”

Theologians debate which trials of David’s life he speaks of persevering in hope through and being rescued from here. Was this pit a physical pit during Saul’s persecution of him, or a metaphorical pit of destruction and despair? What does it mean that God brought him out of the miry bog, or “clay” in other translations?

Could it have been throughout any number of battles he led against the Israelites’ enemies? Finding his city of Ziklag burned and Israel’s families captured by their enemies after returning from exile? The rebellion of his own son? The plague he caused to fall over the nation of Israel? His own sins, temptations, and struggles with the responsibilities of being king?

Or… could it have even been after the loss of one of his sons? 

That’s right. Even this “man after God’s own heart” knew the pain of losing a child. Four, in fact. An infant son and three grown sons of various ages. 

Though David had to wrestle through losing so many sons and through the thought of now being a bereaved father, he never stopped believing he was first a son. His Heavenly Father was his focus as he asked hard questions (all throughout the Psalms) about what it looked like to persevere with hope. And, as he cried out to Him, David wrote that God established his steps again and put a new song in his mouth. David had been so focused on what felt final that he’d forgotten the Father still had a plan for his life. Finding it again filled him with praise and made him a testament to God’s people. 

Persevering with hope gave him a legacy again, even if it was different than the one he’d expected.

This Bereaved Fathers Day, we pray you’ll process David’s Psalms in light of both his loss and his legacy. We pray that you’ll be reminded that one does not negate the other. As leaders, providers, protectors, and intercessors of your family, God knows the responsibility of a father. But He invites you to remember you are also a son. You don’t have to carry the weight alone. Patiently press into your Father with your every question and raw emotion, trusting that you are not going to be held in this pit of grief forever. There are still days of purpose- even praise- ahead. Being assured of this is how we persevere with hope.

Heavenly Father, I ask you to hold me, Your son. You’ve entrusted me with the earthly roles of a father,  a provider, a protector, an intercessor. Most days I love these roles, but today they bring up memories more than I can bear. When I am tempted to have thoughts of failing…. When I’m tempted to have thoughts that you are far away and removed… remind me of the truth that my child was always Yours first. As I held them, You held both of us. You still do today. I may not understand why my child had to go Home ahead of me, but I want to understand how I can persevere with hope even here without my child. I want to see loss transformed to legacy and cries of pain give way to shouts of praise. I want to believe that You are good, and life can still be, too. Please help me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Dig Deeper into How to Navigate What is Ahead with Real Hope

Reflection Questions:

1.  How does David describe God’s heart for him throughout Psalm 40? 

2. How does it make you feel to know, in verse 5, that God’s thoughts toward you cannot even be numbered? 

3. Because David knows God’s heart for him, how do his thoughts and actions throughout trials stand out?

Put Your Faith Into Action:

David’s testimony at the start of Psalm 40 demonstrates that, as he patiently cried out to the Lord, the Lord inclined to him. Though God’s intervention was not immediate, He wasn’t looking away from David’s struggle or just passively listening in on his cries for help. He was leaning in, intimately involved in His son’s life.

Maybe you have wondered where God was in that moment when your child crossed from your arms to His. Maybe He felt far away, and you’re having a hard time seeing His hand through it all. Maybe you feel like He left you to handle that moment alone, or that He is nowhere to be found now in the aftermath. God’s Word assures us in Psalm 34:18 that He is near to the broken-hearted.

This week, we challenge you to get alone with the Lord, to sit with eyes closed, and to go back in your mind to that painful moment as you ask Him to reveal just where He was. We don’t have to understand His purposes to be comforted by His presence.

Further Reading:

For You:

Matthew 5:4

Psalm 147:3

Isaiah 49:15-16

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Psalm 55:22

Job 42:5- Job also lost multiple children 

Revelation 21:4

About David:

1 Samuel 13:14- David, “a man after God’s own heart”

2 Samuel 12- the loss of David’s baby boy

2 Samuel 13- the loss of Amnon

2 Samuel 18- the loss of Absalom

1 Kings 2- the loss of Adonijah

Psalm 23- highlights David’s dependence on God

Verse to meditate on and memorize:

Isaiah 49:15-16

Nicole is a follower of Jesus, married to her high school sweetheart, and mama of a miracle girl who taught her the wildly passionate, protective love of a parent. Nicole empowers mothers to partner with the Father in discipling and defending the children entrusted to them. Nicole is a Praying Through ministries volunteers who writes at Nicoleminers.com.