By: Vanessa Wishon
Will I ever not feel the ache to be pregnant?
Will I ever stop thinking about how deadly our children’s deliveries could have been?
Will I ever forget what it felt like to sit in the NICU while my husband attended our baby shower?
Will the NICU doors always trigger my fight or flight response?
Will I always wonder what it would have felt like to be so pregnant that I was ready for my baby to be born?
Lord, will I ever heal from the trauma?
As I sit with my thoughts, my mind drifts to the cross. Lord, have you You ever forgotten the ache of watching Your son, my Savior, die on the cross? And in that moment, as I reflect on Your sacrifice and love, my heartaches and hurts suddenly pale in comparison. In the midst of my wonderings and pain, I am reminded that You remain present and true.
Thank you, Lord, that You continue to provide shelter when my heart hurts. Thank You that You never leave and You never forget me. Thank You for this family that looks different than I expected, while also being more than I ever could have imagined.
Vanessa lives in GA where she and her husband, Rodney, have the joy of raising their two biological previously-preemies and one bonus child while missing their daughter who lives in heaven. She lives an ordinary life while serving an extraordinary God; one of the ways she does that is by serving on the Praying Through ministries NICU Prayer Team.